Hello my fellow followers who haven’t forgotten about me,
And I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve lost a few of you. I haven’t committed myself to this site. I started this hoping I’d find a new love for blogging, but like most things, I came down from the high of it all fairly quickly.
But let me catch up with with all the goings-ons with me. I currently work a full time job and a part-time gig as well. I was working from home and began to get so lonely that I was desperate enough to get a cat. His name is Osiris. Soon after getting Osiris, I found a nice lady a few months back who is now my girlfriend. Didn’t see that one coming. But I wanted it to come all-the-while. Pleasantly surprised. She has a dog named Lucy. We are pet-parents.
Also, my birthday is coming up onSeptember 11. I will be 26 years old. Over-the-hump and hoping to get tons of birthday coupons for free food. Ha, who else looks forward to that? But, I am also going to Miami for the first time to celebrate my birthday with a fellow college buddy, whose birthday falls on September 12th. Pretty sweet. I hope all goes well. The Zika virus is at large down there, but I hope those scoundrels aren’t hungry for my blood. Keep me in your thoughts. Crazy what the world has come to
Other than that, I feel a bit of a nudge coming along for a new blog post. One that is actually themed and hopefully entertaining to read.
I haven’t been on here in a good while, but I’ve been reading. Recently I’ve been focusing on work and trying to reach my fitness goals.
On to the topic at hand. I’ve started efforts to date again. But it’s hard to find potential mates in my city. I don’t know why, but it is. I don’t think I’ll find her at the bar or nightclub. And I don’t think I’ll find her at my work because 1) I try not to date coworkers. It gets messy. 2) Most of the women are married or straight! So there’s no fun there.
I have resorted back to online dating. Unfortunately, I HATE online dating. Lol. I’d rather go on a blind date than see a picture of a pretty girl, try talking to her just to find out there is nothing inside of that pretty head but air and bubbles. There is so much forced small talk and reading between the lines. I am more of a vibey person. I want to be around you and feel you energy, vibes, and aura of you. These feeling are undeniable. It’s the universes’ way of communicating between two people.
Another thing I dislike about online dating is the distance. It seems like all the decent women live in a neighboring state. I know you have to put in effort for dating. Understood, but the idea of going out of your way to possibly have a horrible first encounter makes my skin crawl. Obviously it can be completely opposite but left to each persons discretion.
So all-in-all, I don’t know why I am even utilizing online dating. It goes against almost everything I stand for. But since I’m an optimist, I keep hope close to my heart. There are literally like two prospects that keep my attention. We’ll see is 2016 will bring me love.
And an adult. Sorry I never published my Crush poem collection. To be completely honest, I was head over heels in like/lust for a certain coworker of mine. She’s everything. I can’t even begin to describe the feelings I had for her because there wouldn’t be any sign of an end.
But that all changed in a matter of days.
She being married, I had to do a lot of self-realization and awareness. I respect others relationship be them healthy or not. Not my business, but I am wanting to get married some day and I want to be able to contain myself. Right now I should not be crushing after married women, but it can get hard. Most of the women at my job are beautiful, intelligent, funny, hold great conversation, and married/taken. I get my hopes up for nothing.
It’s like holding your breath above water just to dive below to get air…
There is no hope for me in that. I had this realization weeks ago and I’ve been actively practicing calming myself down when I see her or them. It’s worked like a charm. Im able to focus more on my work and increase my productivity.
I guess what I meant earlier was when I get married, God willing, I don’t want to lust for others nor do I want others to lust for my wife and I. So if karma and the universe are paying attention they’ll see that I’m trying to do better.
All-in-all, I’ve started loving and learning me again. Feels amazing in the most indescribable ways. Hopefully I’ll meet someone special soon who I’d like to write the sweetest things about.
There is no beginning and no end to what I’d like to do to your body. The way I want to make you feel can’t be explained, only felt through your sixth sexual sense. I want the image of your body to be painfully permanent in my mind. By painful, I assume painfully pleasurable. Like when I reach my climax and the cup overflows and the tears start to flow. Tense…immense…it all makes sense. I give you all my everything, all of me. Emerging my soul into your spirit to create one cosmic, orgasmic, unforgettable connection. Our bodies dance together in a rhythmic pulse that’s uncontrollable, but they don’t need to be tamed. Our minds lust for more like the last drop of water in the desert hitting the tip of the tongue. Melt into me, flow within me, love deep inside me.
I want you to be all you imagine. I want my body to flow as freely as your pen dances on the paper creating works of art, works of joy…works of love. I want you to know that I feel your energy and it shines brighter than a dying star. But I want your to know that is not the right time because as the start shines, we see it’s luminosity long after it’s delivered. And you are reciveing me long after I have been lose and trying to be found…
But as you read this and the words deliver to your eyes and the brightness of the screen contrains your pupils, I still won’t be there to give you what all you really want and imagine.
Happiness. Better said than done. When I came out I thought everything in my life would finally fall into place. Wrong. I now had to explore a whole new world (did you kind of sing that?). Over the years I have granted all my happiness’s from being with women. If I were in a relationship, exclusive, or some sort of fling with another woman I had a warm since of happiness. The thing was I was never alone. I never took the time to reflect on who I was or am growing to be. I grew through all my relationships, but my identity was paired with another person. I had no idea who I was. Now, I’ve only been out since I was 20 and there’s no way I could possibly solidify what all that makes me happy, but recently I’ve been completely lost and somewhat miserable. People tell me your twenties are for you to find yourself and to make mistakes and learn. I must be impatient because I feel as though all I’ve done is make mistake. But I don’t think I’m learning. I do things over and over like a definition insane person hoping, not the outcome changes, but my feelings change/get better for each situation. It takes so much self-discipline to not go back to something that is so familiar and comforting. And knowing how it will end but never stops you says a lot. For one, it says I don’t care for myself or my happiness. It says I’d rather shuffle and takes two steps forward and three back every chance I get. But I need to hang those dancing shoes up. I want to take the time to smell the roses and develop a better self-discipline and wake up early to watch the sunrise. I don’t want to be young and dumb and be 30 before I know it. Time is critical and of the essence. I won’t prevail in the troublesome world if I can’t shed some happiness onto it. With all that being said, I know women are no longer going to be my sole dependent for happiness. Maybe just a small percentage. I’m moving onto another chapter in my life and by all means, I am going to view the cup half full.
This forum is about me. All about me. My time to be greedy with myself, my feelings, my thoughts, my selfishness. Guess what? I am gay. I’ve known I was gay since I was about 5 or 6 years old. Growing up my feelings for my female best friends were more than a young girl could handle. Many adults would look at this and say, “Well, that’s normal. Kids will go through their phases and they’ll be OK.” Nope, not me. I loved how I felt about other girls. I just didn’t like how society made me feel about feeling for other girls. Growing up I dated boys like picking Skittles out of a bag. It was easy. But I didn’t do it for the ease, I did it because I couldn’t date my best friends without knowing I’d be persecuted by society, family, or even the girl. So I played along and was a poster child. Playing sports, joined the school choir, joined student council, was the popular kid, also the class clown, and so forth. I made a name for myself. A name that purposefully failed to include gay.
I was happy for the most part until I went to college. By this time I had been exposed to pretty much everything. Except being open about my sexuality. I felt empowered not having people micro-judging me. So I broke up with my awesome last boyfriend and started to nervously pursue women. I felt like I had been home schooled and I was taking a giant leap for Qaniah-kind. And it was the best conscious decision I had ever made. I was free. My mental was unleashed from the cage I reluctantly put it in. I was what I believed to be finally happy. What I’ve learned is there are many aspects to being happy and coming out, for me, was just a small part of that happiness.